The Problem Is: ME

That's right. I'm my own problem. I should probably explain, right?

Well, I went to therapy today and cried my eyes out. We discussed some of the things I mentioned in "Tired," and I've learned a few things.

I can't allow myself to carry such a huge load. I'm wore out emotionally and it's like my therapist said, I need to go out and have FUN. I need to get rid of some things that aren't top priority and just let loose for a while. However, I'm having an extremely hard time thinking that through. I mean, how can I just let go of something, even for a little while, when I know that I should be able to handle it.

This is my problem.

I'm unstable right now. There's no way I could say that I'm completely stable emotionally and mentally right now. I'm just not. My therapist thinks it would be a good idea to throw everything but school and my part time job on the back burner. I'm having an extremely hard time rationalizing that in my head, though. I know that I can handle it, but right now, I also sadly know that I really can't.

That breaks me.

I've always been able to balance and hold a lot on my plate. But not anymore and it sucks. And here's the crazy thing:


SHE WANTS ME TO PUT WRITING ON THE BACK BURNER!!!

WHAT?!
I told you it was crazy! However, she sort of has a point. Don't fret. In no way am I going to quit writing. I don't have the will power to do that. What I will do is no longer set deadlines on myself. I'm going to just go with the flow and it'll get done when it gets done. I'm sorry, y'all, but my mind can't handle that with everything going on in my life mentally. 

Back to what I originally stated, I'm my problem. I keep taking on tasks that I can't handle. I'm transitioning between medications. (Never fun.) I'm somewhat a perfectionist. I strive to do many things and handle them at once, but that's starting to wear on me. The worst part? This has happened before. 

Remember those two years ago when I was having so much trouble in school? Yep. My mental, anxiety ridden breakdown happened because of things that I find myself doing once more. I've got to remind myself to take things one thing and one day at a time. Otherwise, I have a breakdown coming in the future. I most definitely do not want that to happen. It makes everything in my life go on a stand still and I don't have time for that. 

So Lindsay, for future reference, breathe. Clear your mind. Focus on just the task at hand and work on that. Don't panic about everything else. One thing at a time. Just breathe.